Traditionally, I would ramble about an epiphany or a mundane observation. This is a bit of both.
I feel so lost in my own emptiness, sometimes, it bores me to no end. That's why I find it riveting to comment on others. We do that, don't we? It's so easy to call people names and heckle them. Are people inherently mean? Or do they simply not care what their words imply?
I adore the fight or flight adrenaline rush as much as the next person. We watch cop car chases and brutal war movies for a glimpse of the horror of human nature: the hunt, the chase, the kill.
Elaborating on the chase, alone, I'd like to say that chasing dreams is overrated to the point of inducing dullness. Chasing reality is far less glamorous but a lot easier to accept as we can see it for ourselves.
When everything you believe in comes crashing down... when all the "I'm okay"s and "I'm fine"s are not enough... you have a terrible choice to make: fight the demonic forces or fly to a place that is not as unhappy as where you are now.
What do you do?
I have been called a lot of things. Mostly fat. People believe it to be their responsibility to almost always comment on my weight. Have I gained a few kilos? Have I lost a few? Surprisingly, both types of comments irk me.
It surprises me that when people tell me I've lost weight, I get annoyed. I mean, what normal woman doesn't want the random acquaintance to thrown her a coy smile and say, "You've lost weight," like it's the greatest proclamation ever to be made?
No thank you, stranger. Please keep your eyes somewhere else and engage me in pleasant talk about the weather. If not, I'm sure my blow dryer has a few choice words for you.
It bothers me that I allow this to happen time and again... and have never come up with a single response I can look back at and glow with pride that I handled it well.
I, of course, hate the "It would be nice if you lost weight," comment slightly more. While the first type gives people an immediate sense of satisfaction that they did a good deed by giving a homely girl like me a compliment as I never get any (obviously!), the hypothetical 'perfect' version of me that I'm expected to chase... is worse in that it neither reassures me that I look okay as I am (again, not that I need this reassurance from passers-by) nor does it say that I can achieve this goal.
It's a wish. It's not a statement. It's like the people that say this have a whole conspiracy going on that if they drill this into me enough, I might try to drop a few.
So I don't.
Don't get me wrong: my diet's okay and my level of physical exercise is rather decent. I just don't feel the need to starve myself over every lousy remark cast at my appearance.
I cannot begin to describe the people who drag me into their trenches of self-pity with the, "You and I need to work out... look at the state of us!"
Excuse you, missy. Maybe you'd like to work out. I'm okay with me. Do refrain from talking to me that way unless you want a shade of nasty that would even make the quintessential mean girl blush.
What I find immensely refreshing are people who say nothing about my weight. Where are these people?! I'd like to say they are part of a vast majority but sadly, no. If my weight is not commented on by... then it's quite possible that we haven't met.
I feel so lost in my own emptiness, sometimes, it bores me to no end. That's why I find it riveting to comment on others. We do that, don't we? It's so easy to call people names and heckle them. Are people inherently mean? Or do they simply not care what their words imply?
I adore the fight or flight adrenaline rush as much as the next person. We watch cop car chases and brutal war movies for a glimpse of the horror of human nature: the hunt, the chase, the kill.
Elaborating on the chase, alone, I'd like to say that chasing dreams is overrated to the point of inducing dullness. Chasing reality is far less glamorous but a lot easier to accept as we can see it for ourselves.
When everything you believe in comes crashing down... when all the "I'm okay"s and "I'm fine"s are not enough... you have a terrible choice to make: fight the demonic forces or fly to a place that is not as unhappy as where you are now.
What do you do?
I have been called a lot of things. Mostly fat. People believe it to be their responsibility to almost always comment on my weight. Have I gained a few kilos? Have I lost a few? Surprisingly, both types of comments irk me.
It surprises me that when people tell me I've lost weight, I get annoyed. I mean, what normal woman doesn't want the random acquaintance to thrown her a coy smile and say, "You've lost weight," like it's the greatest proclamation ever to be made?
No thank you, stranger. Please keep your eyes somewhere else and engage me in pleasant talk about the weather. If not, I'm sure my blow dryer has a few choice words for you.
It bothers me that I allow this to happen time and again... and have never come up with a single response I can look back at and glow with pride that I handled it well.
I, of course, hate the "It would be nice if you lost weight," comment slightly more. While the first type gives people an immediate sense of satisfaction that they did a good deed by giving a homely girl like me a compliment as I never get any (obviously!), the hypothetical 'perfect' version of me that I'm expected to chase... is worse in that it neither reassures me that I look okay as I am (again, not that I need this reassurance from passers-by) nor does it say that I can achieve this goal.
It's a wish. It's not a statement. It's like the people that say this have a whole conspiracy going on that if they drill this into me enough, I might try to drop a few.
So I don't.
Don't get me wrong: my diet's okay and my level of physical exercise is rather decent. I just don't feel the need to starve myself over every lousy remark cast at my appearance.
I cannot begin to describe the people who drag me into their trenches of self-pity with the, "You and I need to work out... look at the state of us!"
Excuse you, missy. Maybe you'd like to work out. I'm okay with me. Do refrain from talking to me that way unless you want a shade of nasty that would even make the quintessential mean girl blush.
What I find immensely refreshing are people who say nothing about my weight. Where are these people?! I'd like to say they are part of a vast majority but sadly, no. If my weight is not commented on by... then it's quite possible that we haven't met.
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